am i wrong

i don't know what i want

what should i do now

everyone is happy,but i'm not and you too

haiz

R.I.P 4.12.10

4.12.10

i will remember this day ever and ever

the most important day for my life

i really feel so sorry to you

so sorry my dear

i already cried and cried so long,i cant believed i will cried in front of stranger

i thought i very strengthen,but i was wrong..i'm not strong at all

your leaving i will not forget,i swear,i hope you can live well where you are

please forgive me,i really love you so much

but i cant too selfish,i cant just think about you but ignore other things..

that's was my fault

i really cant give you a good life

i still have so many problem have to solve

family.....

so sorry

i thought i can face to anything

originally,i can not 

....

i really wish the happiness god,lucky god,Aladdin,doreamon will always be my side...

i don't know IF i decide to do what i want

i don't what will happen on you and me

isn't both of us will happy more?

am i right?

I fucking don't know!

i hate my feeling,i hope human can live without any feeling

i hope that i won't have any feeling

won't sad,unhappy,cry and happy

because really din't have any happy thing will happen on me

maybe i need to blame myself,why i want to birth in this world..

remember what you tell me today?

i won't forget...

i will keep in heart,because you're too over...

i ask jac,does she trust hers bf?

she said half half..but i don't think so..

actually she is same like me,she no dare to say that world

i ask her,did she think b4 when she already change single?

she said no

but many things will change..

i don't believe forever

...

i hate you.

that's all.

累

真的真的觉得好累

才跟老鼠说起

我们的朋友们都有自己的生活圈子

读书的读书

喝茶的喝茶

但我们呢？

我只知道工作工作

在我的环境下

手停等于口停

我不会抱怨这不好那不好

只会听天由命

其实我真的很想继续读书

但我并不想浪费我能赚钱的时间

有时候真的很想好好的休息一场....

chinese

好了！从今天起开始用回华语写部落格了！

虽然朋友说我的英文不至于太差，但他们明白，不过我还是用华语才像我，对吗？

哈哈

渐渐的就快过了大半年，我竟然还完成不了自己的心愿

忽然间觉得自己

“怎么那么失败啊？”

买车，买屋真的不是说买就买

买容易，供就难

这么简单的道理谁不会啊？

20岁已经围绕我近半年了

我竟然还一事无成

什么都做不到

好想好想找份轻松，工钱多的工作

我不是怕辛苦，我只是怕压力

20之前我都不会为钱烦恼

现在呢？

呵呵呵呵  

我不是贪慕虚荣，只是想靠自己的双手让家人无忧无虑

想趁年轻打拼出自己的事业

但是，说就容易，做就难

我人生中，最恨就是有钱人家的小孩和我说

“最近很穷”

真正穷的滋味你们尝试过吗？

我不是羡慕也不是妒忌

只希望上天能公平一点

我已经牺牲了我的时间

为何不让我得到应有的回报

最近有人说我

成熟了好多

不像一个20岁女孩会想的东西

人，是会长大的

好像好阴沉似的！哈哈

不过这就是我的生活！ 

confuse

I don't really know what I want actually...

Sometimes I will emo without any reason

Sometimes I will happy without any reason

i feel myself are so weird,i meant my feelings

a little thing likes today i eat something good,it will make me happy whole day

if i get a bad news from my office,i will emo whole day

especially my man- mr.jansen ngan

 i really proud of him

1st. my temper are so bad and hot,he can endure

2nd. i will scold and get angry faster when i'm not feeling well,he can endure also

3rd. i will argue with him although i know i'm wrong actually,but i still want to win,he also din't say anything

but,the god is fair

no one is 100% perfect

that's why i said i don't know what i want

i hope everything will be fine 

i hope everything smooth 

 my health

my work

my family

i can feel myself about my body

its getting weak and weak

my body really have many problems 

and i don't know what is the problems actually

it makes me suffer like hell everydays!

my work was gave me too much pressure

i wish i could have 2 days off the phone and have a sweet dream at the night till morning

my family.......its complicated

but,YOU did hurt me that time..i'm sorry because i still treat you like shit..but i cant control myself,every time i saw you in the morning,i will get angry,but i know that's not your fault..anyway,i really have some time to forget it....please forgive me..thanks

i hope i can control my temper more..i wish. 

 

 

dark

that's was my world start that day until now

i really cant feel even a littlebeat happiness

i hate myself

closed

what will appear in your mind when you see the picture?

i really facing many many many bad thing recently

first day----- i have been patient whole day,keep thinking positive

2nd day----- start morning i had bad thing too, keep patient keep patient,this word keep on rolling my mind,told me I will facing this problem once day,now the problem just came earlier,take it easy..

but,at the night......i most trusted people was cheat on me

even now also I cant really feel happy

I'm so suffer not because "the people"

is me myself

i hate myself easily believed someone

i won't do that again..its time to "closed" my door...

smile

i should let happiness live with me forever

ya,i must..

i hope my family will happy always too

just forget all the unhappy thing

what ever la..

but i really does not have any happy feel when the CNY was end

I told myself everyday

*smile always*

ya,nowadays a smile is everything

customer like to see your smile,not your sad face

they are not interested in your sad thing

they just interested what they want to buy from you

sometimes i would think my sister is very simple

because she just a accountant 

she just sit inside the office,she did not know the complexity of today's society

every times she will cried when face to something she does'nt know how to settle

i will asked her,:"why you cry?is just a small case wad..

sometimes they will said me so cruel 

but

in this world,i learn a thing

don't treat someone too good

you will get hurt so fast

that is my conclusion

maybe you will think i'm too negative

but it is not me cruel,is the world

*do smile always*

just feeling

*please ignore me*

*ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!*

i want to scream loudly!

enough..

i already feel so tired 

both of you are so childish..

we did not cried,because not only one time u do that to us

we have become insensitive

does not will have any feeling 

you like to get angry faster,go ahead

but please don't use your hot temper to do something to my family

we are human

we are your family too

if you like to let us feel suffer

why do you want to give birth to us?

ask yourself

did i treat u so bad before?

we have all these??

NO!!

but since that day you start crazy,we all change

we don't like go back home

we don't like to heard you always keep on argue with mom

if you want to let us suffer

please do not give birth to us start from the beginning

what we want is CARING

i cant hate you

how can i hate you?

what you did to us,what are you saying suck thing to us,make us sad

you also my dad

married??

ya,don't get shock by my title

of coz i haven get married yet

but I always say"today don't know tomorrow thing"

but i din't mean that i will marry soon la friend

why i title like tat?

because my two lovely grandma was asking me when i want to marry?

when they give me angpau

and said: faster marry and born a child for me

haha

  

and my man's family like tat also

said: 5 years already,still wait wat?

but,they din't know my age only 20,and my man only22

we still young(right?)

but,in this CNY, i can feel WHO I AM already...

really feel so much happiness in this CNY

chinese new year

this year are damn boring in hometown

I always talk to my mother

"our Chinese new year always celebrate on the highway"

ya,you're right

because my bro have to work,so we come back to kl at chor 2 night

of coz first i contact was my man

call him came to fecth me go eat thn go next round

of coz is JUDI 99 la~~~ 

now i have to eat full first

night everyone

fucker

for me,beautiful is not important

as my previous blog

maybe in you guy's eye,pretty=rich,beautiful=brand

am i right?

so what?!

i totally never,ever said before I AM PRETTY,ok?bitch!

other girls pretty does not my business

i am myself!

if rich=pretty(u go ask your friend,are you RICH??)

if brand=beautiful(ya,you have,and i din't have,but i don't care,if brand =beautiful,you can go klcc jump down,because will not have people pity you,cause you have a such suck brain!) 

STOP TAKE ME COMPARE WITH OTHER GIRLS!

once again!

I AM MYSELF

kuantan trip

a couple week ago we back from kuantan

this time,our vacation was Bukit Gambang,Kuantan

lets picture do talk

i'm lazy to blog about that day

please feel it yourself!

its really enjoyable trip

see ya!

sponser a child

do you believed when people died already,he/she will fly to heaven when they did something good when they still alive?

i believed

but

don't always do something good just because you want to go to heaven when you pass

because that is not work

what is good and what is bad?

when you are doing something good,you will not think too much

will not return to get it to do good things

that's what we called good things

now,you have 2 choice

an old man came to ask some food,but you are very very poor

you don't have money,even a meal a day of food and clothing are a problem..

now

what will you do??

can you found your answer?

i always thinking,when i have a stable salary,i will choose to go some country is very poor to do something as i can

i always want to sponsor a child,cause i really have a ability to sponsor a child

but my sis always will scold me

:if you want to sponsor a child,why not you give the money to your mom?"

i said:"sponsor a child and give mom money is two different thing,i just feel they are pity,of course i cant give them every month Rm1xxx,but rm50 i still can paid,just a little rm50 can let them eating happy,why not we do that?"

but she still cant understand....

haha

ya,as our mom and dad's baby,we are so happiness

we have to tressure

but,in the world have many children young than me even a baby,they did not have tried even one day eat full..

i really feel so distressed when i see it..

how come i will so touched?

haha

maybe too much thing i had encounter

hehe

www.worldvision.com.my

emo again~

what you all think about it after seeing the picture?

that's my feeling right now

many problem

hard to explain

not dare to do many thing

the fucking timid of me

bla bla bla..

where my prince???

the prince who riding a pumpkin car came to see me..

where is he???

the castle

I love castle so much

when i was a little baby girl,i love to watching some cartoon like Cinderella,snow white..

because the ending always would be a happy ending

but we have to know

reality are very cruel(i hope u know what i mean)

this year,20years old is around my life

but i can see mature,stress,unhappy in my life

although i'm 20,so what?

i not the innocent that u all think...

for that who protect me..thanks alot..

sometimes i have to wake up from that such fantasy ideas..

if could,i hope i can be a Cinderella,even let people bully,she won't complaining anything

but,as we know

in this world,will not have such person

maybe have,but almost don't have

the castle is so beautiful

i hope have a prince can bring me go there to spend my vacation

but it is so expensive

i want holiday

i want holiday

for those customer...please don't always give me a very early morning call,ok?

for my work,fighting!!!!!

for my friend,anyways,thanks for your help..

for myself..have a nice year~~~

haha

working life

as my previous post,i'm the sales girl are selling car

so,i'm in the office right now

just now have 2 customer,they come from terengganu

nothing special right?

haha

but I feel hard to communicated with both of them..

because their english is so hard to understand.

of course i know my English not very well,but really hard to know what they are talking actually

haha

bad la me

but better they got buy they car from me la

otherwise i don't have money when CNY

in the new year i hope my family problem can solve.

and i want earn more money

next post i will upload more photo when i had a great holiday in kuantan~

have a nice day everyone^^

the 2010

tommorow have a important meeting..

my boss asked me last week: apple,did you received my massage about monday we have a meeting in showroom at 9am?

me: ya,i know..

boss: i thought u don't know..cause this time din have any respon==

(because last time i have reply him =p )

boss: than ok la~

me: alright.

now,lets talked back the Christmas eve and the new year night

how i celebrate?

ya...

open a very boring boring bbq

same as last year

after bbq?

sure the next is wine..

but in 2009

i really have so much thing feel so regret..

i din not working almost 4 months

i din have a own car

i din let my family happy

our house have many problems

i haven go korea,taiwan trip

i haven enough find money

.....

etc

....

and this year

i wont let the regret accompany me go end of this year

i have to work hard

i have to fine more money

i want to go korea

i want to try to go trip by myself(if i already break with mr. right)

i will buy a house for my mom

i will buy a car if i have more money

because my hubby is borrow me a car

so,my transport is not a problem right now

but i have to work hard

cheers!